To break out of the closed circle of dependence on substance, game or relations with another person is quite real, but on one condition. The dependent has to learn to live happily, it is impossible differently-otherwise they will break. But if they manage to establish an interesting life without additional stimulation, it becomes brighter and more saturated than most “healthy people”.

How to understand when the “hobby” develops dependence? If the child manages at school, visits mugs, finds time on a hobby, communicates with friends, performs house duties, but at the same time sometimes “hangs” in a smartphone, the gadget in this case acts only as a pleasant application to life. But if study begins to suffer, interest in previous hobbies is lost, parents should think.

In the dependent, everything is subordinated to the subject of dependence, whether it be a substance, game or relationship with another person. The usual rhythm is broken: a person spends more and more time on the “object of passion”, cutting down the clock, work, care of himself. The circle of communication is changing. Passionately enthusiastic about something or someone as if drawing into another reality. And now we have a different person – closed, irritable, and sometimes aggressive.

The adult is changing – children absorb

“The most powerful motivation to work on yourself – for addicted people,” explains the psychologist Natalya Pyzhyanova. – Perhaps they achieve tangible results, because they are simply forced to learn to live high quality. Next to them there is always dependence – chronic, progressive, fatal disease, and they know that if you do nothing with this, they are waiting for one of the three options for the development of events: prison, hospital or death. So adults have to learn skills, quite natural for the majority: to listen to themselves and talk about their feelings, plan actions and analyze actions, build close relationships, take care of yourself and others ”.

And when adults learn this, for those who are nearby, this does not pass without a trace. The results of this process are clearly visible in children’s groups: the guys are less anxious, freely and naturally speak of their feelings. “Dad said that we must say, I say,” explains 15-year-old Svetlana. Her dad is a recovering drug addict,

the term of “purity”, as addicted to each other, is 9 years. And Sveta freely, enclosing others, not accustomed to children and adults, shares her feelings in class: she is insulting that someone released a stinging comment about an unsuccessful drawing, she is annoyed if they interrupt and do not let the thought end.

While we were children, all our conversations with our parents were about us, our needs, problems and desires. We asked them about how the world works, but rarely – about themselves. These 18 questions will help you better know your father and see him in a completely new light. Put them to your father right now!

Now we have grown up, and we have the opportunity to talk to our father on an equal footing, from the position of an adult. At what point he realized that he wants to finally marry? What was his typical Friday evening when he was 17? What did he do on the day you were born? At what age his life was most interesting?

If your father is still in

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your life, do not miss the opportunity to learn more about him.

Choose the weekend that you will spend together and arrange a real “Interview with an interesting person”. You will recognize your father outside his usual role.

We came up with several such issues that may become the beginning of a long and interesting dialogue.

1. Who did you want to be in childhood? What a game was your beloved?
2. Was there a moment in life when you wanted to change the profession? You decided or refused this venture?
3. What did your parents tell you most often when you were little? As they called you? What words comforted? What did you do the best?
4. What did you do the best?
5. What advice of parents helped you a lot in life?
6. What was the hardest thing for you when you studied at school?
7. You are now where you dreamed of being in childhood?
8. You ever had to stand up for yourself? How did you do it?
9. Who did you say for the first time: “I love you”? When it was? You were reciprocated?
10. (If your parents are together): At what point did you understand that you want to marry mom?
11. What did you do that day when I was born (o)?
12. If you could talk with three famous people from the past, who would it be? And what would you tell them? What would I ask?
13. What was a typical Friday evening when you were 17 years old?
14. Is there anything that you always wanted to do, but the chance did not introduce yourself?
15. When you felt the happiest?
16. What is an important skill, in your opinion, a person should have?
17. What was the best gift you have ever received?
18. At what age it was the most interesting to live and why?

During such a conversation with your father, you can find the general that you have and find out about the period in his life in which you have not yet been!

And the older your father, the more interesting he himself will be to re -survive his youth.